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In the wake of horrible news (like mass shootings, natural disasters, or political upheavals), I have a tendency to feel very helpless, hopeless, and angry. While it’s important to feel emotions through instead of pushing them aside, sometimes you have to quit stoking the flames of fear and do something to make yourself feel better. Here are my (relatively free) things to do to feel better.
Continue reading “Things to do to feel better”
In talking with my nutritionist during eating disorder treatment last week, we decided that my depression is a bigger issue than my eating disorder, and that seeing her was probably not necessarily going to help much going forward.
But she did give me this gem:
“If someone got cancer, would you blame them for it? No, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for depression.”
I thought this was a pretty great metaphor. I need to start treating my depression like it’s cancer.
Early 20s: You have to consider which members of the bridal party won’t be able to drink because they’re underage.
Mid-30s: You have to consider which members of the bridal party won’t be able to drink because they’re pregnant or nursing.
Continue reading “Differences between planning a bachelorette party in your early 20s vs mid-30s”I’m about two weeks into a self-imposed and self-designed treatment for my eating disorder, and I’m having some weird issues that I’m not sure are related or not. I just thought I’d document them here. I’m not sure what to expect, but this is my reality right now.
Continue reading “The consequences of upending your way of thinking”When I was in second grade, I remember watching a film in class about volcanoes and thinking that the molten lava looked like melted cheese. Even while the other kids were shouting out funny statements about the image, I kept my mouth shut, because I didn’t want them to think I always thought about food.
We were never restricted food growing up. We were allowed to eat whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted to. I could have string cheese or an apple or Doritos or a sandwich or Oreos. We had plenty of food to choose from.
Continue reading “From whence the food issues”
I had my first meeting with a nutritionist on Wednesday. She specializes in eating disorders and was recommended by the eating disorder treatment center that originally gave me my diagnosis. I had never been to a nutritionist before, although I’d worked with personal trainers and had done dieting apps. I wasn’t really sure what to expect, even though I’d done tons and tons of research into my eating disorder.
I basically gushed for the first 45 minutes to an hour, telling her everything about my history with food and how I had come to this diagnosis. It was just like going to a therapist, except we were talking about food. We discussed my history with antidepressants, my current medications, my eating habits, how food was offered in my childhood, and what I’d come to believe about food.
This past month, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder.
It’s probably not the one you think, and if you know me, you probably don’t think I “look” like someone with an eating disorder. You probably would also tell me it doesn’t sound like something clinical if you heard what it was.
It took me 37 years to figure out what my eating disorder was, and now that I have the diagnosis, I feel a great sense of relief. The only thing now is to get to work.
Continue reading “I have an eating disorder”
I started a 10K training program a few weeks ago that included running, weight lifting, and strength training. I was excited to be devoted to a program with an end-date (10 weeks) and a goal (getting my mile time back down). I was hoping to tone up and lose a bit of weight before heading to the beach for a Memorial Day wedding in Mexico, although those weren’t my specific goals for the training.
Lo and behold, at the end of the first week I tweaked my back doing a core workout. My sacrum bone hurt a lot. It hurt to bend over or sit down. I figured it was muscle soreness and pushed through, taking my rest days as prescribed and stretching more.
I am currently in the midst of planning a wedding. This was not ever something I aspired to do with my life, and so I’m not necessarily taking it as seriously as many women in my situation would. I’m 36 (37 in a month!) and have a pretty good idea of who I am, as does the groom. Neither of us has any misgivings about what the wedding is going to be — a great party to celebrate our love for our friends and family.
Continue reading “5 ways to reduce stress in wedding planning as a bad bride”
We had a sour pie cherry tree in the backyard. The cherries would ripen in the summer, alongside Frank’s, our neighbor on the back fence. His were bing cherries. He had to put nets up to keep the birds out. We didn’t really have to do that, although sometimes there were worms. They were too tart to eat right off the tree.
Continue reading “Cherries”